MENDING FENCES - 5 WAYS TO GO ABOUT IT
Allow me to begin with a narrative. A few years ago, I could never get past of how a certain individual, lets call him Mark, wronged me. This guy, Mark used to be my roommate back in college. One fateful day, I came back to our room and found my belongings, specifically my laptop and my stereo missing. I did ask him if he had by any chance borrowed them for his own personal use but he denied doing so. Therefore, I came to a conclusion that my items were clearly stolen. So he and I went and reported the matter to the police.
Fast forward, 6 months later I went to print out some assignment at a local printing shop within the campus. I notice something strange. The guy doing the printing-work for me had a laptop that bore similarity to mine. My laptop had a custom made, neon green cover with anime characters on it as well as my initials engraved at one of the bottom corners.I calmly asked the guy as to where to he had bought that magnificent machine, I also lied to him that I wanted to purchase such a similar device. He then told me that some guy sold it to him a few months ago. He added by saying that that same seller had a specialty in selling good quality second hand devices. So I asked for a contact number.
To my rude shock, the contact number that I was given already existed in my phone contact address. And yes it was Mark's! I was taken aback. I never called Mark, but I waited till he came back to our room. I did quarrel him, and I might have said some unprintable words back then. He finally revealed that he was in need of money and that’s why he sold my items. I was mad and enraged. I never asked him to pay me back because I knew he wasn’t capable at the time. The guy in the printing shop did however return my laptop after listening to the whole ordeal, and seeing photo evidence, as well as the receipts of purchase I had.
I was bitter, and yes we parted ways as roommates. I felt betrayed by a person who I thought could considered as a brother. We would walk past each other along the corridors as well as the streets. His presence disgusted me but I eventually saw that It was futile to hold back this resentment. It was tiresome. So one day, I decided to say hi to him as he was walking past the corridor. He said hi back, and I asked we could talk for a bit whenever he was free. Eventually I got a call from him and we did have a lengthy talk. I forgave him. As of now, we do chat from time to time.
The purpose of this lengthy narrative is to illustrate how to get past people who have wronged us. After all, we ourselves do wrong others. On this note, I would like to highlight 5 ways on how to build back burnt bridges.
· Hold out an olive branch- Be the first person to reach out to the other party. It is hard I know. But it is essential to look past the wrong doings.
· Hold an open dialogue- It is imperative to speak candidly on why you had a falling out. Lay down the reasons why, and the way forward.
· Find common ground to settle differences- It is essential to find out what things you agree on, and use that as a starting point towards reconciliation. Common ground helps in navigating the murky waters of other issues you are yet to resolve.
· Forgive and forget- It sound very cliché, but it is a step in the right direction. Don’t keep bringing up past grievances. Let the past be past.
· Find an arbitrator if things are not yet resolved- This is an option to those who cannot find common ground to resolve their differences. A third party, who is neutral of course, can be a necessary tool to help you look at matters objectively, and thereby coming up with possible solutions.
I really hope that I have become of help to any individual going through a similar situation. Remember that in order to move forward, you have to let go of the past. Feel free to leave a comment as well as additional pieces of advice I might have left out.